Adoption Quotes

Judith Land | Adoption Detective

Judith Land author and adoptee

 

The Authors

Judith and Martin Land live in Colorado and Arizona. They told the entire story of Judith Land’s adoption, from her birth through a critical series of pivotal events in her life leading to adulthood, to provide the reader with unique insights into the emotional state of mind of an adoptee at various stages of her life.

 

 

 

Quotes

“When you find a good quote that summarizes a lesson learned, pause and reflect, and embrace its wisdom because words have the power to change your life, make you laugh, or lift your spirit with positive thoughts.”

 

Adoption

“There are four kinds of adoption—nefarious, forgivable, warranted, and praiseworthy.”

“From a humorous standpoint, I was pleased to know I was adopted, and quick to distance myself from my adopted parents, whenever they did something embarrassing in public.”

“Everything that ever happened to me lingered in my imagination.”

“A baby is born with a need to be loved—and never outgrows it.”

“Almost all children without parental care in the United States were in orphanages or foster arrangements until President Theodore Roosevelt declared the nuclear family was best able to serve as primary caretaker for the abandoned and orphaned.”

 

Adoption Detectives

“What you learn about your family medical heritage could save your life—but if you are orphaned, fostered and adopted, it may require a comprehensive investigation by an adoption detective to uncover your medical past.”

“When investigating art, religion, architecture, and human performance, archeologists and adoption detectives must counter scientific facts with intuition and psychology, as well as deductive reasoning, to enhance their interrogation technique.”

“In order to discover the truth, adoption detectives must practice the elegant art of detection with a perspicacious mind. They must deliberately scrutinize the evidence and contemplate questions that remain unasked.”

“Adoption Detective is a true story that describes the emotional journey of a child who is orphaned, fostered and adopted in search of her biological ancestors.”

 

Being Adopted

“Knowing that I was adopted was a complex issue that affected my thinking as a child.”

“I was shaken knowing that I was adopted but my sense of optimism and hope that my life would turn out all right in the end were unwavering.”

“At that moment that I was told I was adopted on my eighth birthday, I needed spontaneous love and assurance, because it was disappointing knowing Rosella was not my real mother, but my body language remained rigid, and I reacted tentatively by internalizing my opinions and feelings.”

“Knowing that I was adopted caused me to be more aware of my unique individuality and temperament.” “Over time I gradually acquired the habit of scanning the faces of strangers searching for others with physical features similar to my own hoping to find a connection.”

 

Biology

“Over time I gradually acquired the habit of scanning the faces of strangers searching for others with physical features similar to my own hoping to find a connection.”

“Reunions with biologically related individuals have the potential to enhance the lives of everyone concerned, even when continuing relationships with family members are not sustainable or desirable.”

“Fear of the unknown leaves adoptees paralyzed in a bewildered state of trepidation, quietude, and foreboding angst—openmouthed, impotent and powerless to act decisively or rationally, the enigmatic value of their biological fortune remains an obscure mystery—an eternally suspended fantasy.”

“I became highly observant of other families in my neighborhood and naturally gravitated toward surrogate parents I considered to be most similar to my imaginary biological family.”

“My ‘first connection’ with a biological relative was a serendipitous encounter with an exceptionally lovely, intelligent, feminine girl named Cindy. There was something familiar about her. She was exotic, but intuitively familiar. Our actions and facial expressions were the same, but opposite, like two mimes facing a mirror. We stared into each others eyes. Realizing the connection, we extended our arms and hugged for the first time. I finally discovered what I had been looking for—my roots. I was overwhelmed by the emotional intensity of the embryonic reunion experience.”

“Adoptees hoping to reunite with biological family members must concentrate on developing many of the same positive attributes universally exhibited by highly successful individuals worldwide that produce winning results in every profession.”

“When information about biological antecedents, family medical history, or a desire to meet biological family members is invoked adoption registries are a good place to start.”

“Maybe I possessed a biological gene in my DNA that drove me to succeed in my adoption search. Using my sixth sense, I never gave up scanning the universe for esoteric signals emanating from my birth mother’s essence. I used intuition to connect in every way possible with what was intuitively familiar because I was subconsciously longing to be with her.”

“Separation from my biological roots encouraged visions of my birth mother inspired by obscure memories, mystical dreams, and childhood fantasies.”

“Adoptees suffering from a nefarious sense of genealogical bewilderment are naturally curious to learn something about their biological antecedents, social and cultural background, geographic origin, and pivotal events affecting their life’s trajectory.”

“Being able to recognize some aspects of themselves in members of their birth family, to know someone they look like, with similar personality characteristics, talents, and intellect, are intriguing to children who are orphaned, fostered and adopted.”

 

Birth Mother

“The ghostly image I had of my birth mother was something that haunted me throughout my childhood. Even though I had never seen her face, I often thought of her.”

“My dreams and fantasies became dominated by ghostly images of my birth mother, and the idea of connecting with her became a spiritual goal.”

“Separation from my biological roots encouraged visions of my birth mother inspired by obscure memories, mystical dreams, and childhood fantasies.”

“Tormented with dreams of tornados, hurricanes, mudslides, flying insects, and floods, I slept disturbed in a cold sweat. I had a vision of my birth mother. Her back was turned. I wanted to call out her name to let her know that I was her lost child, but my voice was silent because I was insecure and afraid that she might not like me. Passively waiting for her to turn around and recognize me, the vision evaporated into a spiritual mist, leaving me cold and alone.”

“My youth was spent quietly wondering and longing for something intangible that I perceived was missing in my life. Everything that had ever happened to me lingered in my imagination, and after I found out I was adopted I wondered why my birth mother gave me up for adoption.”

“Maybe I possessed a biological gene in my DNA that drove me to succeed in my adoption search. Using my sixth sense, I never gave up scanning the universe for esoteric signals emanating from my birth mother’s essence. I used intuition to connect in every way possible with what was intuitively familiar because I was subconsciously longing to be with her.”

 

Birth Parents

“I wanted to know why my birth parents gave me up for adoption, my family medical history, and something about my cultural heritage. I wanted to be with others who shared my same flesh and blood because I was curious to know if we looked alike, had similar habits, or personal preferences.”

“When birth parents intentionally wall themselves behind iron gates and stone walls (legally and metaphorically) to keep their identity secret from their own child, they make it impossible for the abandoned child to learn anything about their true identity, social and cultural heritage, meet family members or receive an inheritance.”

“Much of the public and political discourse on this issue is intended to absolve the birth parents of all moral, ethical, and legal responsibilities for their child, but what is often lacking is an awareness of potential long-term psychological trauma to the child.”

 

Destiny

“Destiny is not always preordained. Life is about making choices. Our lives are the sum of all the choices we make, the bridges we cross, and the ones we burn. Our souls cast long shadows over many people, even after we are gone. Fate, luck, and providence are the consequence of our freedom of choice, not the determinants. When justice is served by following our principles, making good decisions brings us inner peace.”

“Adoptees should not view themselves as victims of circumstances—happiness is the product of character, temperament, personality and disposition, not circumstances.”

“Life is an adventure of our own making, the product of our own choosing.”

“We must learn to do what is right, not what is acceptable, because life is very good when we make the right choices.”

“Happiness does not depend on wealth or world traveling. It comes from following our own free will, finding the beauty of the environment, and building positive relationships with significant others.”

“Life is a never ending process of self discovery—a lengthy journey to experience the quiet joys derived from prizing things of true value, and achieving the tranquil feelings of contentment that come to us knowing that our acquaintances are persons of good character and substance.”

“Don’t go where the path may lead—go where there is no path and leave a trail.”

 

Genealogy

“Adoption registries are excellent resources for children who are orphaned, fostered, and adopted searching for biological family members to form a more complete genealogy; satisfy curiosity about his or her relinquishment; obtain medical records; and a desire to pass on information to his or her children.”

“The heroine of Adoption Detective is hardly a traditional detective, but genealogy, by its very nature, leads to detection, deduction, and conclusions that are not always what the genealogist had in mind.”

“I was happy knowing that my adopted parents chose me because I was special, but I wondered in hindsight if the deepest part of my brain was already cognizant of our genetic dissimilarities.”

“Motherhood is an act of creation and an enduring verity that is everlasting. You launched me into this world, and you are my true spiritual and biological link on this earth for all eternity. The genetic blueprint I inherited from you mimics the physiological and psychological characteristics shared by our matriarchal ancestors for survival over the millennia. Our relationship is much more unique and complex than simply biological. The essence of the life force that sustains and connects us as mother and daughter is esoteric, intuitive, spiritual, and much greater than the sum of its parts…”

“Meeting others with similar genetic markers for the first time is like seeing your reflection in a mirror. A successful adoption search can alter life’s trajectory by transforming self-identity, enhancing perspectives, elevating potential, and creating new horizons that make the world seem like a whole new wonderful place.”

“Ancestral recovery was a peak emotional experience, an extraordinary moment that took my breath away, liberated my spirit, and gave me the confidence to soar like an eagle.”

“The reason Y-DNA is so irresistible to family historians is because it’s passed intact from father to son down through the generations—every man walking the planet today, carries the same genetic signature as his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather, and is a living representative of those who came before.”

 

Genealogical Bewilderment

“Genealogical bewilderment evokes a nefarious air of uncertainty and befuddles a child’s ability to establish their true self-identity.”

“I was adopted. My true self-identity was an unsolvable mystery—a puzzle and a conundrum. Knowing my birth parents had abandoned me, without a roadmap or an astrolabe to guide me, stimulated a gloomy sense of deprivation based on hurtful feelings of desertion. My heart was hollow. I was hopelessly lost in the wilderness, a curious victim of genealogical bewilderment. I was immobilized by fear and anxieties, and frustrated by a melancholic sickness, knowing that for some unknown reason I had been purposefully jettisoned into space somewhere along life’s trajectory by my birth parents.”

“Adoptees suffering from a nefarious sense of genealogical bewilderment are naturally curious to learn something about their biological antecedents, social and cultural background, geographic origin, and pivotal events affecting their life’s trajectory.”

“The book Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child is uniquely written from the perspective of an adoptee, from childhood bewilderment through to adulthood, who experiences an isolated feeling of separation syndrome from her biological family resulting from a nefarious sense of genealogical bewilderment.”

 

God

“Ultimately, my drive to find my roots was spiritual and inspired by God.”

“And when I was in my lowest emotional states of mind and there was no one there to help me overcome distress or discouragement, I found it therapeutic to direct my accepted wisdom to God.”

“Ultimately, the crushing emotional pain of rejection from the birth mother is so formidable that it can only be shared with God.”

“Mother and daughter equally suffer from the same cerebral wounds, numbness, and sentiments of penitence. Enduring these injuries and suffering in silence is what they habitually have in common.”

 

Infants

“No infant would ever willingly choose to be raised by strangers. He or she would never agree to be lied to, nor have his or her real identity and name falsified and permanently concealed in secrecy.”

“I instinctually began as a wee life longing for the warmth and protection of my birth mother to survive. The umbilical cord was physically severed, but the esoteric spiritual connection that bound me to my birth mother was heightened by our unnatural separation.”

“Maybe I possessed a biological gene in my DNA that drove me to succeed in my adoption search. Using my sixth sense, I never gave up scanning the universe for esoteric signals emanating from my birth mother’s essence. I used intuition to connect in every way possible with what was intuitively familiar because I was subconsciously longing to be with her.”

“I spent my childhood quietly wondering and longing for something intangible that was missing in my life. I never gave up hope or stopped scanning the universe for my biological parents because I was confident that some day I would find them.”

 

Life’s Trajectory

“When a memoir imperatively requires the reader to experience a shift in understanding of life’s trajectory for children who are orphaned, fostered and adopted by altering the public consciousness, the topic resonates globally, and makes for a lively discussion.”

“I was adopted. My true self-identity was an unsolvable mystery—a puzzle and a conundrum. Knowing my birth parents had abandoned me, without a roadmap or an astrolabe to guide me, stimulated a gloomy sense of deprivation based on hurtful feelings of desertion. My heart was hollow. I was hopelessly lost in the wilderness, a curious victim of genealogical bewilderment. I was immobilized by fear and anxieties, and frustrated by a melancholic sickness, knowing that for some unknown reason I had been purposefully jettisoned into space somewhere along life’s trajectory by my birth parents.”

“Meeting others with similar genetic markers for the first time is like seeing your reflection in a mirror. A successful adoption search can alter life’s trajectory by transforming self-identity, enhancing perspectives, elevating potential, and creating new horizons that make the world seem like a whole new wonderful place.”

“Adoptees suffering from a nefarious sense of genealogical bewilderment are naturally curious to learn something about their biological antecedents, social and cultural background, geographic origin, and pivotal events affecting their life’s trajectory.”

 

Primal Wound

“Severing the connection with the birth mother causes a ‘primal wound’ that manifests itself as a sense of loss, depression, mistrust, anxiety, and trouble in relationships with significant others.”

“Severing the connection with the birth mother causes a ‘primal wound’ that manifests itself as a sense of loss, depression, mistrust, anxiety, and trouble in relationships with significant others.”

“Birth parents worldwide need to be more aware of the primal wound, genealogical bewilderment, oppositional defiant disorder, adoption syndrome, selective mutism, antisocial behavior, and research by psychologist Harry Harlow and others.”

“Ultimately, our emotional responses are what is imprinted into the milky folds of our brain, like a steaming hot branding iron on the dusty hide of a Texas longhorn steer, an indelible mark that is memorable and long lasting. This is how we implicitly learn.”

“Unfortunately, the large encyclopedia of information about the effects of mother and child separation is seldom researched or understood by panicky unwed mothers and fathers whose selfish reactions are to place their own welfare ahead of their child.”

“I instinctually began as a wee life longing for the warmth and protection of my birth mother to survive. The umbilical cord was physically severed, but the esoteric spiritual connection that bound me to my birth mother was heightened by our unnatural separation.”

“Harry Harlow’s experiments had powerful implications for any and all separations of mothers and infants, including adoption, as well as childrearing in general. Harlow’s data confirmed the well known psychoanalytic emphasis on the mother-child relationship at the dawn of life.”

“Separation from the birth mother is the confiscation of the child’s soul, a mutual occurrence that rips apart and exposes the heart of the child. Orphans amputated from their mother’s breast hide their wounds in the darkest subconscious corners of their primal brains, where they remain hidden, but never healed.”

“Ultimately, the crushing emotional pain of rejection from the birth mother is so formidable that it can only be shared with God.”

“The sound of the mother’s heartbeat that babies became so familiar with inside the womb becomes imprinted on the embryo before birth and the rediscovery of this familiar sound next to the mother’s left breast after birth produces a vitally familiar and tranquil soothing influence on the infant. Using the left hand to cradle a baby leaves the right hand free to manipulate the environment. That is the reason most people are right-handed.”

“A loving set of adopted parents can help to heal the wounds of adoption, but the psychological scar will always remain.”

“Perhaps, fewer adoptions would take place, if more individuals understood the consequences and ramifications of their actions.”

 

Self-identity

“Genealogical bewilderment evokes a nefarious air of uncertainty and befuddles a child’s ability to establish their true self-identity.”

“I was adopted. My true self-identity was an unsolvable mystery—a puzzle and a conundrum. Knowing my birth parents had abandoned me, without a roadmap or an astrolabe to guide me, stimulated a gloomy sense of deprivation based on hurtful feelings of desertion. My heart was hollow. I was hopelessly lost in the wilderness, a curious victim of genealogical bewilderment. I was immobilized by fear and anxieties, and frustrated by a melancholic sickness, knowing that for some unknown reason I had been purposefully jettisoned into space somewhere along life’s trajectory by my birth parents.”

“Meeting others with similar genetic markers for the first time is like seeing your reflection in a mirror. A successful adoption search can alter life’s trajectory by transforming self-identity, enhancing perspectives, elevating potential, and creating new horizons that make the world seem like a whole new wonderful place.”

“Preparing a family tree is a stressful daunting task for many adoptees. If given the opportunity, the inquisitive adoptee looking to build a more comprehensive and realistic self-identity will be encouraged to learn that selected names provide a treasure shoppe of delightfully meaningful clues to the past.”

“When basic emotions common to all humankind—love, joy, surprise, anger, sadness, interest, excitement, fear, guilt, disgust, shame, contempt, and pride are introduced, an unpredictable chain reaction is set off, culminated by an enduring memory that forever alters self-identity and the worldview of the listener.”

“Reunions help many adoptees gain a more cohesive and comprehensive self-identity essential to their well-being.”

“For many adoptees the search for self-identity results in feelings of more self-confidence, of being healed, and more at peace.”

 

Stories

“Great stories are universal and transforming to those who read them.”

“Behind every adoption story there is a memoir or mystery novel waiting to be written.”

“The worldwide popularity of tales of adoption is a universal theme because nearly everyone has been inspired by a shaggy-dog story or tragic folk tale that transcends all ages, cultures, and languages.”

“Since the most primitive campfires and throughout history, stories have been used to foster understanding, teach, influence, and bind people together.”

“A good way to evaluate the worthiness of a story is to determine the intensity of the emotional responses that are evoked by the author—the best stories being those that create and sustain the highest amount of empathy.”

“At the end of a good story there is almost always a paradigm shift in the reader’s worldview of life’s trajectory.”

“Readers judge a story to be of high literary value when they can recognize an interesting life, and are nourished by the journey, bringing along many of their own quests and associations of their own. The book Adoption Detective blends the elements of a narrative nonfiction memoir with the written style of a novel.”

“I was greatly inspired by the goodness of Heidi when writing my own adoption memoir. My husband attended school in Switzerland and we have skied and hiked in the majestic Swiss Alps together. The story is well written, charming, and memorable. We highly recommend this book for children.”

“60% of Americans have a personal adoption story. Nearly two out of every three Americans know someone who has been adopted, has adopted a child, or has relinquished a child for adoption, according to a public opinion benchmark survey by Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute.”

“I will never forget the day I shared my deepest personal secret and story of adoption with my girlfriends under the shade of a lilac bush in my backyard—an historical event celebrated and memorialized by the founding of the First Lilac Club.”

“The worldwide popularity of stories such as Oliver Twist, Little Orphan Annie, Anne of Green Gables, and Heidi transcend all ages, cultures, and languages. These tales are popular universal themes because an adoption story has inspired nearly everyone.”

“Each personal story of adoption is unique, but the theme is universal. Children are separated from their parents due to war, pestilence, accidents, and natural disasters, but, most often, they are willfully abandoned due to inconvenience.”

“I was greatly inspired by Anne of Green Gables, an orphan and unique individual of good character who is hardworking and inspirational. She is relentless, plucky, and succeeds in life through goal setting, perseverance and diligence, and by surrounding herself with persons of substance. I highly recommend this book and television series.”

“I loved the fact that Little Orphan Annie was inspired by a real person. Author Harold Gray reported that Annie’s origin lay in a chance meeting he had with a ragamuffin while wandering the streets of Chicago looking for cartooning ideas.”

“Adoption is a familiar theme among all people that encourages group reminiscing about romantic fairy tales, fables, mysteries, historic legends, shaggy-dog stories, and tragic folk tales.”

 

Search

“It would be difficult or even impossible for many adoptees to launch and complete a successful adoption search and reunion without the unwavering support and assistance of a loving spouse, friend, mentor, counselor, mediator or spiritual guide.”

“Listen to the voices, feelings, sights and experiences of our ancestors. Their lives, joys and fears are within us.”

“The choosing-by-advantages method of decision-making was very helpful for making critical decisions during my adoption search. I was attracted to this method because positive attributes are given the highest priority.”

“The most burdensome and wearisome hindrances to conquer during my three-year adoption search were my own self-generated insecurities. Internal impediments and doubts were my greatest challenges that required the most courage to overcome. My internal fears absorbed vital emotional energy and reduced physical stamina, leading to delays in action and the prevention of progress.”

“Solving the enigmatic puzzle of an adoption can be a daunting, frustrating and perplexing task when there are no clues to get started; legal records are concealed; international boundaries are crossed; languages are unfamiliar; expenses are involved; and individuals intentionally hide their identity.”

“The skills I used to survive after becoming lost in the Swiss Alps and Rocky Mountains on two separate occasions were the same mental techniques I used to complete my adoption search. Don’t panic, act impulsively, or let fear drive your decisions. Sadness and anxiety will lead to inaction and sap your energy. Frustration arises when a person is continually thwarted in their attempts to accomplish a dream. Stay positive—tap into the reservoir of inner strength and fortitude you never knew you had. Stay alert and never abandon the chance or the will to accomplish your goal.”

“Finding my roots was a difficult process that stimulated me to investigate every clue available using both intuitive and deductive reasoning. There were many obstacles to overcome, but I never gave up hope, or lost sight of my goal.”

“My personal experience is a deep and unexplained journey I felt compelled to take. I was born with very strong natural homing instincts and committed to expending the energy and commitment required to find my way home.”

“Many obstacles were placed in my path, but I learned that, with maturity, they could be overcome with patience and perseverance. Knowing the truth is what I ultimately wanted to achieve.”

“In order to create a positive outcome for herself, Judith Romano, heroine of the book Adoption Detective, must make difficult moral and ethical choices, work within a social system stacked against her, overcome her fear of rejection, conquer her own personal inhibitions, and resolve legal constraints.”

“The process of conducting an adoption search requires resilience to conquer adversity, perseverance to overcome injustice, and persistence to make your dreams come true.”

 

Purpose Driven Life

“Life goes by quickly—to live a ‘purpose-driven-life’ make a positive plan and carry it out with gusto.”

“To live a purpose-driven-life you must learn that the only way to beat the fear of the unknown is to take the first step. If you listen to the voice of your fears, you’ll live an empty life. But, if you listen to the voice of your heart, you’ll live a remarkable life.”

“In order to get the most out of life we need to use our time wisely. That means living in the present, focusing on new challenges, creating positive experiences, envisioning a future full of hope, and enthusiastically viewing the world with optimism.”

“Overcoming fear of the unknown to rid oneself of distress and torment is a monumental task requiring maturity, an enduring purpose driven life, and strength of character formed by a durable commitment to substantive values.”

 

Literature

“When a book raises the public consciousness to a high level of mass relevance they make a good choice for discussion in public forums, book clubs, libraries, fraternities and sororities, Rotary and Kiwanis organizations, schools, churches, businesses and other relevant institutions.”

“Public libraries are a great achievement of American society and an essential part of having an educated and literate population. There is a strong correlation between reading proficiency and academic success at all ages.”

“The child who doesn’t read has no advantage over those who can’t.”

“Good literature awakens, expands, enhances and refines our humanity. Our culture is dependent on decoding the written word to reach our full potential by developing a complete picture of the world. Reading determines who we are as individuals. Collectively, the level of education we achieve is an indicator of how great our society will become.”

“Popular memoirs provide a clear understanding of the relationship between significant events and the emotional reactions to those events.”

“The narrative style of the author, the tone, and the effectiveness of the dialogues, enhances the reading experience by helping the reader comprehend the situation, the passions driving the main characters, what they want and who opposes them, and the barriers that must be overcome. When this is done well, the reader experiences the same feelings of pain in response to hardships, and joys expressed as triumphs and celebrations.”

“Changes in philosophy and ways of thinking can instigate revolutions, and the invention of computers and the worldwide web has lead to the decimation of language, geographic and political barriers as impressively as the tearing down of the Berlin Wall.”

 

Reunions

“Ancestral recovery was a peak experience, an extraordinary moment that took my breath away, liberated my spirit, and gave me the confidence to soar like an eagle.”

 

Writing

“Best selling novels are character-driven stories that have a consistent, well-designed, and exciting plot with unexpected turns. Novels highlight individuals that have reasons for their actions, who are distinguished, alluring, and realistic, that the reader wants to know more about. The theme is profound and the setting, time, and place easy to imagine.”

“A good memoir is precise and clearly written in an authentic voice that is cinematic because the reader can see what is happening. A good memoir deals with desire – what people want; what they do to get it; what helps or hinders them; identifies antagonists who don’t want the same things; and describes what it all means.”

“Writers throughout the centuries have tried forever to capture the unsophisticated, immature, and naive, yet charming emotions of young love. Every generation warns of the perils, heartaches, and heartbreaks of unskilled adolescents—propelled through uncharted waters in a rudderless boat with sails inflated by sultry passions, without knowledge of the sea, or an astrolabe to guide them. Yet, each generation exerts their desire to experience love.”

“Perhaps, nothing in reality can match the exhilaration of having accomplished something a little out of the ordinary.”

 

 

Use and publication of these quotes is permissible, if legal credit is given to: Judith Land and Martin Land, Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child, Wheatmark, (2011), ISBN-10 1604945702